Unhinged (1982)

/ billy peppers / Leave a comment
produced and directed by don gronquist
megastar films

Ya know, I could swear I saw a capsule review of this one that claimed it was at LEAST as good as Halloween, a true forgotten classic of the genre and … yeah, no. Not really. Kinda dating itself in that not a whole lot of action takes place – killings or anything else – Unhinged is mostly an atmospheric study of some creepy people in an old house in the middle of nowhere, where three young women wind up secluded after a suspicious auto accident. (At least, I gather it was to be perceived as suspicious, in the fine cinematic tradition, but I couldn’t actually tell what caused it.) The SHOCKING TWIST ending in this one is not all that shocking, and neither is it all that plausible, even for a movie of this sort. This information probably should not come as any sort of surprise to you.

why did i watch this movie?

In what may become a noticeable pattern, I was quite taken by the title, and further investigation – reviews such as the one mentioned above, a few still shots – made it sound a lot more interesting than it proved to be.

should you watch this movie?

It is most likely that you could find a better use of your time, even if only to check out a better movie of this ilk.

highlight and low point

It’s always fun when a picture apparently forgets a character along the way, and it is likewise often aggravating when one seems to hint at an intricate web of hidden secrets when there may, in fact, be no such thing. Could be I’m reading too much into minor points that only exist to flesh out the running time.

rating from outer space: c+

The Blood on Satan’s Claw (1971)

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directed by piers haggard
tigon british film productions

This fine representation of early ’70s British horror would’ve made a perfect selection for any late-nite frightfest host or hostess – minus the scene or two of pubescent nudity, that is. Blood is a period piece, but of what period I am not exactly sure, in that I am hardly an authority on the confusing history of England. (It’s set in the early 18th century, so let’s call it “Jacobin.” Had I been paying more careful attention, I could probably pinpoint it better. Alas.) AT ANY RATE, the setup involves witches and villages. And madness! Political intrigue! The Church! Et cetera. The children have formed into a sort of consortium, in league with You Know Who. Actually, you don’t; the film’s a bit muzzy on that point. The minimal production values and genteel nature of the proceedings keep things from getting too out of hand.

why did i watch this movie?

It would be difficult for this reviewer to pass up anything called “The Blood on Satan’s Claw,” even if it IS a period piece from pastoral England. The synopsis made it sound bonkers enough.

should you watch this movie?

That’s probably not necessary unless you happen to be an aficionado of British horror of this era and are a completist to boot. Unintentional hilarity might also be a draw, I suppose, as in the case of the inverse fauness.

Highlight and low point

The special effects in this one really speak volumes, as they’re from the school of “obscure the demon or whatever it is behind smoke” and “wave the furry glove with claws in front of the camera in a POV shot.” By the time we finally SEE the demon or whatever it is, it is laughable. Meaning, I laughed.

rating from outer space: C

Hide and Go Shriek (1987)

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Directed by skip schoolnik
new star entertainment

Now, here we have a prime example of why we watch ’80s slasher films. Start with the excellent title, then examine the questionable setup, in which a group of friends decides to celebrate high school graduation by spending an overnight in a … furniture store? (It’s owned by one of their fathers, you see.) Along with some teen sex hijinks, toss in a red herring and some mannequins, and by the time the gratuitous nudity splashes across the screen, you will be eagerly anticipating the SHOCKING TWIST at the end. I hope I haven’t spoiled it for you.

why did i watch this movie?

It’s titled “Hide and Go Shriek,” for crying out loud! Plus, it’s from 1987, a golden year for the Slasher film.

should you watch this movie?

I wholeheartedly endorse this movie, and should you choose to view it as though it came out of a time capsule, its presentation of the styles and sounds of the late 1980s will be informative, to choose just one adjective.

Highlight and low point

Why don’t they leave the furniture store, you may be wondering. Well may you wonder; such caprice of fortune propels this admirable genre, does it not? And so as not to reveal too much about the denouement, I merely question whether it would fly in today’s hypersensitive environment.

rating from outer space: a-

Last House on Dead End Street (1977)

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Produced & Directed by roger watkins
cinematic releasing corporation

This early faux snuff film (initially screened under different titles in 1973 and 1975) is a chore to sit through, honestly, mostly due to the dialogue and the “experimental” camera usage. The story of a ne’er-do-well jailbird who decides to become an auteur filmmaker, and to utilize, uh, excessive realism – either to show up pretension in the movie world or just because people are jerks and deserve it, man – Last House boasts recurring scenes as well as at least one scene that goes on for way too long. Even for a fairly short film, elements of this one drag. The lead actor/director’s performance is eerily reminiscent of Meat Loaf’s as “Eddie” in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, however, and if people still use “samples” in their music or multimedia, one of his repetitious rants would make a great one.

Why did I watch this movie?

Historical interest in the genre(s) of faux snuff films and exploitation movies.

Should you watch this movie?

If you have an interest in this fascinating subcategory or you enjoy student films, sure. The (long) scene of supposed middle-class decadence is also a hoot.

Highlight and low point

The notorious kill scene that led to the whole “snuff” allegation is fantastically over-the-top. (For one thing, it utilizes a hand saw.) I chortled as it unspooled even as I found it somewhat difficult to understand how anyone might have been confused as to whether it was REAL. Red paint is red paint, ya know?

Rating from outer space: C-